My worst fear is fast approaching and it will take a blink of an eye before I turn 25, 1/4th of my life will be gone and I feel scared. The mere thought of turning 25, of evolving from a boy to a man scares me to death and I wish, the watch to stop functioning, the earth to stop revolving and everything to go into hibernation forever, for it will bring me to the threshold of being an adult. I remember, when I was 17 something everyone used to say 24-30 is the best phase of a person's lives, for numerous reasons like, one looks one’s self best, Pocket money and irregular income becomes fat pay cheque, one does not have to worry about midterm exams and not what the girl next door thinks of you...well clearly it isn't as I already see most unhappy people from that lot. They no more worry about the Pocket money, but they torment over Car's EMI, Insurance renewal & tax returns. They don't have midterm exams, but they have a critical presentation every week. They don't have to worry about the random girls in their school/college or a mall but now they have to find their life partner from one amongst them. I wonder if it is actually true that we are never satisfied with anything that happens to us. What else would explain this better than, a boy who was always called a ‘Kid amongst the adults’, someone who was so obsessed with growing up & couldn't wait to be an adult even two years back is finally facing the sour truth.
Well it has been a good life so far and I simply don't want to end it only to be 25 and start worrying about the things that seem not so important today (actually they have been haunting over me for quite sometime now), things like, joining the rat race to be on the top, finding a better job, then finding the next better job, then finding an equivalent good girl, getting married, saving a lot of money, planning for the future etc. Scared, not because I shy away from responsibilities, not because I still feel I am a boy out of college, not for the expectations that are set on me and not for the sense of insecurity I might have and not that I am NOT proud of what I have achieved so far but because I simply don't want to grow up...I still WANT to get wasted at parties, I still want to hit on girls in a club and not worry about being called Bawdy, Lewd, Raunchy, Lustful, Smut, Vulgar, Lecherous and all that the girls call the desperate men who don’t miss an opportunity to hit on them despite being old/married/committed. I don't want ANYONE to question me for anything I do, because anything I currently do is strictly MY business and I’d like to keep it that way, possibly forever.
Growing old brings along a feeling that everything is ending, ALL the fun. Things like, casual dating, drinking nonstop with pals, care free trips to the Himalayas, making random new ‘friends’ (you know what I mean) almost everywhere, playing Cricket all day long (though I haven’t done that for quite a while now and I miss it) and above all the power to UNDO things whenever they did not go my way.. I have a tendency of making mistakes and the POWER to rectify them, it’ll not be the same here after (not that I want to make mistakes all my life, but knowing that you can rectify them enhances your capability of taking risk). Whatever step I take now, any career path I chose, the next best girl I meet are ALL the things that will stay with me throughout my life and NO it’s not that I am commitment phobic (actually I might be, but I don’t know. I haven’t experienced it and it just doesn’t sound good).. Everything changes, and just because it seems rosy and perfect now doesn't assure me enough that it'll 'BE' like that forever (All my friends and acquaintances who have been through this phase can tell me if things change for better)..
So, what’s up with this transition of a boy to a MAN, I am sure most of you felt the same way during your phase. And while I hope I have gained enough experience, endurance, composure and faith in my ability to take this ‘challenge’ I am going to enjoy this Boyhood and have a helluva time till then.
Fact still remains intact, I DON’T want to GROW UP……I wanna be young, I wanna be happy..
Cheers to all 20 something..
